Week 12 - Running, Stress, Depression, Peace (W&G Special Edition)

"The farther I run, the smaller my problems become."

- Anonymous

Running helps me deal with stress.  I can put my life in perspective when I run.  The smell of the woods, the sounds of the traffic, the feel of my running shoes hitting the pavement or wooded trails, the sweat during and then after a workout, and the rush of endorphins from my physical efforts are my game changers.  When I run, I can't remember what my problems are.  Those times that I add music or listen to the radio, a different positive experience is created.  

It hasn't always been like this.  I got away from running in September of 1989.  By May of 1990 the pressure of my work became an emotional burden. The general stress of life and all of the pressures I was dealing with at that time landed me on the road to depression. I stopped eating only to later over compensate for this period.  And yes, I had thoughts of suicide. Fortunately, I had, and I have, a loving wife, family, and friends.  Make no mistake about it though, I struggled. 

My loss of confidence was crippling at times.  I felt like this guy:

Little by little though it got better.  I remember my exact comeback moment in June 1990 like it was yesterday.  My immediate family and I were on a whale watch cruise off of Provincetown, Massachusetts at the very northern tip of Cape Cod. On the way back to port, it began to rain lightly and everybody else went inside the cabin for cover.  I went to the bow of the small ship and just looked off in the distance as Provincetown got closer.  I realized that my son Adam, who was twelve at the time, had come out on deck and was standing next to me.  He asked me, "You thinking about work dad?"  I looked down at him and smiled and said, "The hell with 'em!"  My son responded, "Good for you dad."  Then we hugged.  I remember smiling and thinking to myself, "It's time to face my problems." When we got back to our cottage, I went out for a run.

I have come to understand the definition of the word stress.  Its pretty simple to define actually.  "Stress is the gap between our expectations of life and our personal standards."  The pathway into happiness can be as simple as lowering your expectations but not lowering your standards. The game plan really is that simple.  The commitment to want to get better for me was the challenge. That simple moment with my oldest son helped me breakout of my emotional loop.  This is the cycle that anyone who is feeling down is up against:

Every now and then I would go for a run. I started to feel better.  It wasn't easy.  It took several years to get completely back to where I needed to be. Again, I had a support system for which I will always be grateful. Family and friends helped me understand that it was general negativity of my then work situation that was destroying my sense of inner peace.

I made a commitment to myself to do more running, play the guitar, be a better husband and father, and focus on growing in my professional skills. These steps helped me amass a string of little victories along the way that built something much bigger which helped me out of my depression.

The next logical question is, "Why are you telling us this Steve?"  The answer is that I have a lot of friends right now who are dealing with depression, stress, anxiety, and are fighting their own personal issues or helping others who are emotionally challenged right now. Some of them are runners.  Some of them will be reading this and I love them all.  This is my way of letting them know that they are not alone. I've been there.  So have millions of us. There's nothing to be ashamed of or to feel embarrassed about. 

Some of the notables who have dealt with depression are: Abraham Lincoln, Billy Joel, Owen Wilson, Jon Hamm, and James and his brother Livingston Taylor, just to name only a few.  This is a pretty impressive company if you ask me.  You probably have your own list of loved ones and famous people.  

Everybody is going through something. It's life and its okay to be down once and awhile. Stand in a crowd sometime and just observe and try to imagine what everybody is thinking. Chances are that they have the same concerns or worse that you have. Two of the keys to finding your smile are: "Don't give up and don't give in."  

I don't know if this posting helps anybody but if you're every feeling down or stressed, just remember, everybody is going through something. Marathon great Deena Kastor says that its the times that challenge us the most that define us. Right now in my life, running helps me keep the challenges and disappointments of life in perspective. 

Surround yourself with positive people and by all means:

My journey to the Columbus Marathon is giving me a daily sense of joy.  My story is more complicated than it appears but then so is yours too. When I'm running, life is pretty simple. It's one foot in front of the other.  It's one mile after another. The destination is at the end of a road paved with inner peace and all the wonderful things that come with it. I'm happy and a long way from May of 1990. I think I will just keep on keeping on. I'm having too much fun.